Sex Lives: A Guy Who Got In Over His Head on Grindr After Losing His Virginity

For Sex Lives, GQ speaks with someone about their entire sex life up to this point and how their sexuality has evolved. This week: Jack, 27, bi, Seattle.

The first time I remember being turned on was when I went to see Die Another Day with my whole family. My cousins and my sister were there, I think my aunt took us. There was a scene with Halle Berry that got me so excited in the middle of the theater, but I was also the person with the popcorn, so I just dumped a bunch of popcorn all over the floor.

I think I started jerking off pretty early. I was in first or second grade when I first had a physical reaction; I would find porn online or get a Victoria’s Secret catalog and hide it away to look at later. I wasn’t very internet savvy so I got caught; I didn’t know how to delete history. I gave the family computer a couple viruses. When my mom found out I was watching porn online, she was like, “I want you to know that’s not love.”

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 21. I hit puberty really early. I was just really awkward throughout most of school; I had a big growth spurt, my voice cracked throughout fifth and sixth grade and I had really bad acne. And in high school I became very Catholic, so I put a lot of shame on myself for having so much sexual desire, and around that time—say 8th or 9th grade. I was starting to rediscover that I was interested in men, too. I was trying to bury that part of myself. I lost my virginity to a woman from Tinder. I was studying for finals and we had been talking throughout the day and I asked if she wanted to hook up and she said yes; I couldn’t believe it could be that easy. I always thought you had to like, trick people or something. I kept asking her again and again if she was sure she wanted to, and she was like, “dude, this isn’t a big deal to me.” But it was my first kiss, my first everything all in one night. After an hour or so, I couldn’t finish and I was like, “I have to get back to studying.”

After I lost my virginity, I downloaded Grindr. It was kind of intense and I didn’t really know what I was doing. One guy messaged me immediately like, “Do you want to have an orgy?” and then people would ask, “Do you like to party?” and I didn’t know that they were asking if I like to have sex on drugs. I didn’t know the lingo. I found one guy I liked and I was messaging him, like, “Can I hook up with you?” and he asked if I’d ever hooked up with a guy before. I told him it was my first time and I was really nervous because I was so attracted to him, and he turned me down because he was like, “Your first time should be with someone special. You shouldn’t throw it away.” But that wasn’t what I was looking for. Whether or not I’m into men at a certain time has a lot to do with my own self-image. The more I feel sexy about myself, the more I’m into men. Women are kind of a different thing for me. Whether I feel good about myself or not, I can still recognize my attraction to a woman.

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